Your Most Rangerous Self is Waiting
What do all the world’s most enlightened people keep at their desks? Stacks and stacks of cold IPAs and the 2023 Voodoo Ranger calendar. Transform your life with 13 months of IPAffirmations that will help ignite the Rangerousness inside your soul. It’s kind of like a self-help book, but without all that reading. Be freed from doubt and hard seltzer, and gift yourself the Philoso-V you need to rise up and meet your most Rangerous self at the dive bar. Are you ready?
Scarf down more rangerousness
Soccer has a lot going for it. A rich history, intense rivalries, and dives so spectacular they could be scored by frumpy judges. But you know what it doesn’t have? A damn bit of Rangerousness. But
you, dear Vooligan, can change that. This scarf measures 60-inches long, sports the mascot that every beer-loving soccer fan can root for, and adds a necessary amount of Rangerousness to the world’s game.
Not Ugly at all sweater
You can call it a sweatshirt. You can call it a pullover. Hell, you can even call it a jumper if you’re British. But don’t you dare call this beautifully knitted body koozie an Ugly Christmas Sweater. Designed with the handsomest beer mascot in the game’s mug front and center, this here is a certifiably Handsome Holiday Sweater and should be only addressed as such. Made from 85% super soft acrylic and 15% wool, it’s the perfect garment to wear as you pour IPA after IPA down your chimney this holiday season. At least if you wanna look good doin’ it. Get it while it’s cold.
DROP DAT JUICE
Do you dream in tangerine? Is citrus your mistress? Is “cowboy raised in an orange grove” your go-to aesthetic? Lucky for you, our newest V-Shirt, the Tangerine Dream Tee by @Lenalaballena, is ripe for the picking. Put one on and even a cold IPA will feel as classy as a mimosa…but without the stuffy brunch atmosphere, dress code, or mimosa. Ew. Grab one and embrace a whole new era of citrus-infused swagger.
A SIGN THAT YOU NEED A BEER
This isn’t a mere beer sign. This is an Official Voodoo Ranger Neon Sign. A bright, glowing beacon of hope that tells your friends, “Relax, you’re not about to be handed a seltzer, sour beer, or barrel-aged stout.” Whether it’s going up in your man cave, your she shack, or above the lava lamp in your parent’s basement, this is an essential home furnishing for any Voodood or Voodoodette’s beer drinking spot.
Never Drink Alone Again
Cry over your ex with Imperial by your side. He’s here to listen. Confide in Juicy Haze with your
deepest secrets. He won’t tell a soul about the real reason you’re banned from water parks. Tell Voodoo Ranger IPA how much you love him. He won’t ask you to stop because it’s getting weird. You always have a friend with Voodoo Ranger Drinking Buddies.
HALF BEAST OR ALL G.O.A.T.?
Meet Rangaur, a Voodoo born to the King of Imperial. Legend has it, the 9-Percentaur lurks in the shadows, waiting to sneak up on you with its half smooth and half bitter essence. Spun from the finest fabrics on Earth, this 100% cotton t-shirt features original artwork of this glorious beast in his natural habitat. Gods and heroes alike need this limited-edition t-shirt. Purchase in great haste, quantities are limited.
Can We Get A YEE Haw?
Picture this. You notice your love interest sitting alone at the bar, drinking a cold IPA, you enter the bar rhythmically riding a beast of a bull. You twirl your lasso, and ten years later you’re living on a farm with seven kids, a stocked beer fridge, and a cow named Boozy. Yeah, that’s kinda what it feels like to wear the Rangerous Rodeo Tee, a V-Shirt exclusive designed by the one and only Burrito Breath. Saddle up and sink your spurs into a cold one. You’re going to look great while you do. Don't get left out in the pasture. These shirts are limited.
It's time for the two lip salute
Raise this puppy to full staff, it’s time for an ice-cold Voodoo Ranger. Whether it’s at 5pm, midnight or the stroke of high noon, now your neighborhood association knows they live next to a legend. This one-of-a-kind flag displays your beer hero in full glory, measuring 35 x 60 inches and made of the purest polyester. So, let that Rangerousness flap in the breeze and raise up a cold IPA to the GOAT, it’s officially Voodoo Ranger time. Salute.
the official voodoo ranger action figure
It’s not a doll! This Voodoo Ranger action figure gives you permission to Live Rangerously wherever you go. This fully poseable figure has moving joints and a bendable waist so he can sit next to you at the bar, the car, or on your nightstand. Plus, just detach the Voodoo Ranger IPA six pack and cheers him with a beer of your own. It’s absolutely nothing like a tea party!
Know when to hold'em and know when to fold'em
Take your friend's money. Take the shirt off their back. Take their 401K. Take their house. Take their car. Take their parents’ respect. Take everything in their fridge. With this deck in your hand, your friends will be too distracted by the handsome Voodoo Ranger face cards to even notice that they just lost to a pair of twos. Leaving you open to take what’s yours…which is what’s theirs.
Future FAMILY HEIRLOOM
The year is 3055. On the dashboard of your great-great grandson’s flying sports car sits his most prized possession: an original Voodoo Ranger bobble head. The space turbulence causes the oversized skull to gently bounce up and down. “Wow, they sure don’t make things like they used to…this thing is really high quality!” your distant grandson thinks to himself. He smiles at the bobble head fondly as he directs his autopilot for Omar Sepion 8. Onward.